Many parents’ nerves are worn down by the end of the day thanks to whines, complaints, and pleas from children. Sometimes, the infamous words “You’ll thank me later!” leave your lips, sooner than you know what happened.
Suddenly, you realize where your parents were coming from when they laid down the law during your childhood. Except now, you’re the parent with the daunting task of setting limits and guiding your child, even amid protests. Each family is unique, but there is certain parental guidance that is relevant across the board.
1. Set Limits to Build Healthy Habits
Kids want to do what’s fun, and what’s fun isn’t always the healthiest choice. As a parent, it’s on you to support the creation of healthy lifelong habits. Consider the opportunities your child has based on their age and develop limits that allow for fun within reason. Candy, sleep schedules, and how they spend their free time are all areas that benefit from healthy boundaries.
Screen time is one of the most common bad habits that are hard to break. Use device settings to limit screen time and prioritize educational games over video content to encourage creative thinking and problem solving.
When it’s time to introduce a phone, consider a cell phone for kids that offers a streamlined experience. These phones reduce or eliminate access to internet browsing and social media, which can help kids develop healthy digital habits.
2. Provide Guidance on Safe Behavior
Don’t talk to strangers. Look before you cross the road. Don’t take candy from someone you don’t know. These may have been the three pillars of advice from your childhood, but are they still relevant today? Times have changed, and your vigilance needs to be focused on the risks that are prevalent for your kids.
Consider your children’s age, where you live, and social habits to develop limits that match up with their reality. Rural settings provide different opportunities than urban or suburban areas, so put yourself in your kids’ shoes as you ideate. Review safe places to play, people to talk to, and whom and what to avoid. Talking to a stranger at the grocery store, where there are other adult observers present, is probably fine. Talking to a stranger who pulls up in a van on a deserted side street is likely not.
Your goal here is to help your child understand boundaries and safe choices, not to scare them. Practice various scenarios with them to build confidence so they are prepared when faced with such choices.
3. Reinforce Shared Values and Goals
Even if you haven’t articulated them in a specific way, your family has shared values and goals. Kindness, sharing, and mutual consideration are likely all things your family practices without defining them. Reinforce those values and goals as you teach your child about how to conduct themselves. How you do this will shift as they age, but keep your focus on encouraging harmonious social interaction, respect for legitimate authority, and learning.
When siblings fight, reinforce kindness by reminding them, “We don’t hit each other.” Speak at their level as you deliver this correction and seek to understand the feelings that led to the issue. Bring them along for charitable efforts like donating items or volunteering at a soup kitchen. They’ll learn firsthand the value of giving and serving while having the opportunity to express kindness to others. Living out your family’s values and goals will help your kids form their own as they become young adults.
4. Nurture Resilience to Help Kids Thrive
Failure is a part of life. Attempting to shield your child from it will prevent them from developing the resilience they’ll need to bounce back from life’s blows. It also gives kids the not-so-subtle message that you don’t think they’re up to solving the problems they face.
Avoid fostering these limiting beliefs and instead demonstrate your confidence in your child’s abilities. When you hear cries of “I can’t do it!” redirect their frustration toward problem-solving. Doing so can help your child build resilience in the face of obstacles and stressful situations.
Nurturing a positive self-view is vital to your child’s psychological development. When kids view themselves as capable, their ability to approach new challenges with vigor improves. Instead of shrinking away when things get hard, they’ll be ready to tackle a problem that otherwise could be overwhelming. They won’t always be successful in their quest, but setting the expectation of their capability will support their development. A failure will be seen as part of their growth, instead of being an irrecoverable loss.
Secure Boundaries Make Kids Feel Safe and Supported
Establishing limits and providing guidance to your kids can be exhausting. But rest assured that boundaries are part of helping your child feel safe and secure. The predictability of routines and rules lets kids know what’s ahead, which can ease their minds.
Speaking of minds, children’s prefrontal lobes are not fully developed, which means they’re less equipped for decision-making. Support them at their developmental level by letting them choose their clothes or lunch, while leaving the big choices to adults for now. As they grow, expand their limits and back off on the guidance as their maturity and behavior dictate. In this way, you’ll know that when you say, “You’ll thank me later!” they actually will.
